Great Fails - The Billy Goat Trall

Summer is coming to the MVA region, and what better way to spend the hottest weekend in DC since September, but to tackle the Billy Goat trail. Arguably the most dangerous and challenging trail in the region.

Lisa has hiked this trail several times, in cooler weather, and was convinced John and I could handle it. To be clear, calling this a “hike” is like diving in to class 5 rapids in your underwear and calling it a “swim”

To get there, we drove to Maryland on to the Clara Barton Parkway and then Macarthur Boulevard. Dodging bicyclists riding two abreast most of the way. Nothing against bicyclists, I just wish they’d learn to share the road.

Lisa has the Leeloo Dallas Multipass, so she got us in the park for nothing. Parking was simple enough once we got to it. Lisa knew a trick that got us fairly close to the entrance. Something we’d appreciate on the way back.

To get to the trail head, we had to walk down the C&O Canal Tow Path. This took me back to my Cub Scout days. This was probably the first time I walked that path in 46 years, and not in uniform.

Lisa said it was a mile or so to the trail head. It felt longer because there was no shade to speak of. The way back was even longer.

Lisa put me in charge of pictures using her phone. My phone had fallen out on my pocket in John’s car. I took a few on the way in, none there and none on the way back. When fighting a dragon, you don’t stop for selfies.

At the trailhead, two National Park Rangers (Pucking Farkies. I can say that because I know a few) were talking to some folks. They looked us over and we went on. We wondered what that was all about. By the end of the hike, we realized they were checking on the fitness and equipment of the hikers. They must not have noticed I was wearing old sneakers.

I don’t listen to the news much, since I’m not in the car as much as I used to be. I don’t have much reason to turn on local news unless there’s weather coming. My sister is a little more tuned-in. After the hike I shared the experience on the trail with her. She takes long walks, is familiar with the tow path, and has seen the trail head for the Billy Goat. She said every weekend in the Summer there is some sort of rescue operation on that trail. I’m glad the Parkies were checking on folks, I’m glad we passed muster, but I’m thrilled I didn’t know that rescues are a regular thing prior to the hike.

The trail was a bit crowded, as signs warned. There are a few fall out trails for anyone who needs to get off the rocks early, but it remained busy There were still areas we needed to look for the blue blazes to stay on the trail, rather than following people. I’m not sure if folks got tired of hearing me say, “What in blue blazes?” or if I just got tired of saying it all the time.

The trial got progressively more challenging. Soon we had to move like billy goats, scrambling and leaping from rock to rock. The elevation gains were interesting. We focused so much on the next best footing we didn’t notice that at times we were by the river, and a few minutes later it seemed like we were a hundred feet above it.

Lisa warned us of the wall. It is the most visually daunting part of the trail. You must scale a rock wall, but at a 45 degree angle. The advantage is there is only one way up. Once you start to scale it, there is nothing but the next step, no real feeling of danger or elevation.

It didn’t help that this was the time we encountered the runner. A very polite, very fit guy just running along the trail. He let us know where he was, then kept encouraging us all “you got this”. Not winded a bit. Bastard.

The top provides a great view of the river and allows larger groups to rest. Being results and destination driven, Wheelers roll on.

Lisa said a few times “this is the last hard part” before having an “Oh yeah” moment. We were happy to know we were beyond the halfway point, although there was no turning back. Not just due to logistics, but because once you start the trail you must move forward to complete it. There are bail out trails, as I mentioned, but forward is the law.

We did get through with only a few more scrambles. Happy we were getting off the rocks, there was a short section of dirt stairs. I suggested we run it, and to my surprise, Lisa took off. I had no choice but to follow.

Over the last few obstacles, we saw an older gentleman in jeans and a polo shirt. Like he was just taking a walk at lunch. Bastard

The tow path was in sight, and we were happy to see it. It was bright, hot, and long. Lisa told us where the halfway point is, but I don’t remember ever reaching it. Ultimately, the last couple of miles is hard, regardless.

When we finally approached the parking lot, Lisa called the Old Anglers Inn to make sure we could get in. And to let them know we were stinky.

Old Anglers was more welcome than I can say. They put us downwind from the proper brunchers, and made us very comfortable. The atmosphere reminded me of my country gentleman days, and my family. It really is charming.

The food is incredible. I had the French Dip, and I can’t remember eating one better. Having just exited the jaws of death may have had an influence in my opinion, but regardless, it was damn good. Lisa picked up the tab. Another reward for not dying.

My old sneakers made the ultimate sacrifice, but they had a good life. They ran few half marathons, and still held up on the rocks. They earned a rest. Not worth donating.

Billy Goat Trail is challenging. If you are sure footed and have good legs, I’d recommend trail runners over boots. Carry food and water and some first aid supplies in a backpack. You need your hands free at times.

Above all, know what you’re getting in to. It’s a good three miles, mostly scrambling. Don’t step where you are unsure. As far as fitness, you will feel great. I gained 1.5 pounds, working hard and sweating a lot. Those who know me know that means it was a good workout. I don’t gain on easy workouts.