You’re not Lost, Urine DC. Lotus Fitness C.O.R.E Bootcamp

Due to hurricane Florence threatening the East Coast, I decided to go North and meet the gang to look for more manageable disasters.

Full disclosure: I did not attend this class for reasons you will find below and hilarious. The gym cancelled my reservation (without my asking) after the class and refunded my money. I had no expectation of a refund, since I was the reason I didn’t make it, and I’ve not had a gym do this before. So for that, they get high marks for integrity.

I did however, meet the rest of the Wheelers and interview them about the class. The first thing everyone said was it smelled like pee pee. Smelled strongly of it. From the description I was imagining the one men’s room at an Oktoberfest that had run out of but had limitless beer.

The gym appeared to be set up for ballet, based on the bars and mirror. This ruined the theory that it may be used for doggy day care during the week.

The gym is in extreme NW Washington DC. John expected to emerge in Baltimore. It’s much closer to Silver Spring than it is to Washington proper.

Getting there was an issue. My GPS took me through NE DC and the 3rd street tunnel, up North Capitol Street. On the face of it, that is probably the most direct route. Trouble was all the detours. The GPS sent me the opposite direction a few times until it finally ran out of options and sent me to a closed road. To be fair, it may not have been closed, but the only people moving were the ones making U turns in the road. I joined them and made my way back to my old Gold’s Gym in Arlington.

So, studio smells and it’s hard to get to form Northern Virginia. What about the workout? Based on the interview, the workout was a light bootcamp. The issue was the size of the studio. Some drills required more room. Suicide drills in a small space aren’t as effective. No one was disappointed, but it wasn’t one of the better workouts.

That being said, our little tribe has high standards. We’re not crazy fit and you’d not pick us out of a crowd at McDonalds and identify us as fitness experts, but after all these years of sampling different fitness classes we may be a touch jaded. So, if you are in the vicinity of Tacoma in NW DC, or near another Lotus Fitness studio, give them a shot. It may be a perfect fit.

Now that’s out of the way, a word about our dependency on GPS.

Saturday morning, I had the simple task of driving to Lisa’s new condo. Her new condo is near her old apartment. Her old apartment is near my old stomping ground, and my old Gold’s Gym. Suffice it to say, I’m familiar with the area.

I’m a modern man, and embrace technology without fear. Heck, I worked briefly with a team that was figuring out how to put GPS in phones. I was at MCI when the cloud was born. Thought it’d never catch on. Suffice it to say, I’m familiar with technology.

This particular morning, while places in North Carolina were being ravaged by Florence, I put my faith entirely in my GPS. Normally, when traveling somewhere unfamiliar, I map it and study the map before i put it in my phone. I’ve been taken down a few dead ends. This time, I knew about where I was going, so I just plugged and played.

It was a 20-minute trip that took me an hour and a half. After I had circled familiar roads in Alexandria three times, I plugged in my Garmin. It had me circle three different, but familiar roads in Alexandria. For the record, Lisa does not live in Alexandria.

I did manage to find the grocery store near her new and old place just after they left. This makes me want to launch into the ills of a town-center, so I will.

This is a minor matter, but a matter nonetheless. The area in question is charming. Cobbled streets and expensive shops, and throngs of people walking on the cobbled streets. Annoying most days, but when you’re looking for a specific place it’s downright maddening. I could either find my friends or save the lives of idiots. In hindsight I may have made the wrong decision, but no idiots were harmed or killed in the making of this blog. In spite of their best efforts.

All of this contributed to my parking outside of DC and walking into Georgetown for brunch. After seeing where it was and how easy it would have been to park, I felt a little foolish, but I’m near certain my GPS would have taken me to Rock Creek.

Point in fact: I had my GPS working in walking mode. Just as I got to the cross street on Wisconsin, it changed and gave me direction to Georgetown Cupcakes. Luckily for me they spell El Centro slightly different. It did cause me to be on the wrong side of Wisconsin, while I tried to reset my GPS.

We had a lovely reunion though. I’m only sorry it was so brief. John was kind enough to take me back to my car, and his GPS sent him all around DC, rather than go up and make a U Turn.

My drive home was quiet and direct. No GPS, just memory this time.